To get the drawing to resemble the model, you need to find the details that make her unique. Eye shape is very important. Try to get the position on the face, the angle and distance apart of the eyes. Make sure they line up... unless they don't line up in real life.
Maki's nose... everyone's nose has a unique shape. Try to shade the shape rather than draw a heavy line. Try to follow the center of the shadow (the core of the shadow). It looks like a line so try to follow that by shading and erasing along that line.
The mouth is probably the most difficult since it's made up of several different planes. All catching and reflecting light in every direction. The top of the mouth reflects light. The top lip rolls from light to dark. Teeth are not pure white. The bottom lip also rolls from light to dark. Practice makes perfect. Grab a mirror and try doing several self portraits... at least one a week. You'll get the hang of it.